[Yeah, you see what happens when you listen to me? You never woulda got that match at Cupid Wars without me. You couldn't've done it. Who told you to bring those erasers to sell?]
Aidan? [Me. Who told you to bring those silly straws?]
Aidan?? [Me. Who told you to bring that beer?]
Aidan??? [Me. I told you to bring those things. I told you to bring that tarp to set up a stand outside. I told you that. I told you to pander to the fans to get a match. Did you see how that all worked out? Why'd you ever try to leave me?]
[Aidan?
]
***
"Lemme get this straight," Aidan began. "You missed the Last Chance Battle Royal by a week-"
"Nope." I replied in a big dumb voice.
"-still tried to RP for it-"
"That was someone else."
"-then you showed up to Cupid Wars-"
"Huh?"
"-tried to enter the Battle Royal that had already happened-"
"Never."
"-two weeks late and without medical clearance-"
"No way."
"-set up a makeshift booth selling shit you found at the Dollar Tree-"
"Whaaaat?"
"-passed out beer and got tipsy with fans as they entered the building-"
"Well... maybe..."
"-caused enough of a disturbance to get a match with Christian King-"
"Hmm... starting to ring a bell."
"-landed the Cradle Piledriver-"
"You sure that wasn't Justin Credible?"
"-won the match-"
"Or Jerry Lynn? Does anyone use the Cradle Piledriver anymore?"
[Not since Owen almost killed Stone Cold. WCW would've overtaken WWF without Stone Cold - no wonder Vince rigged that grappling cord to break...]
"-with a slight buzz-"
"Wait, what about BuzzFC?"
"-and now you have a rematch with Christian King at Injection?"
"Hmm..."
"And
I'm the crazy one!?" [Meh, what's the difference?] "Don't you remember that we watched that Battle Royal together?"
~Flashback to two weeks ago, same living room~
"Aww man, that's right! I was supposed to be in that Battle Royal," I expressed while I exhaled a extra-large cloud of smoke with a cough and a wheeze.
"Heh... I told... I told you that there was a Battle Royal you could, you know, enter and maybe even win." Paroxysm and Aidan stare off blankly at the moving picture box 'watching' the Battle Royal that Paro was supposed to be in.
~Back to reality, oops there goes gravity...~
"Oh yeah! I think you're right, that did happen. Huh, well, why didn't you stop me from going? I told you last Thursday I was going to go down there to enter the Battle Royal?"
"Ah yass..." Aidan sez as he scratches his hairless chinny chin chin remembering. "I thought you were joking. Anyway, it worked. You got a match, didn't ya?"
"Shore did. And I made a nice little profit selling trinkets and beers," I say pulling out the wad of cash from my pocket - which is different than the wad of Cash's that I found on the couch that one time he got too drunk to bring that girl back to his bed and I had to throw the damn thing away because I tried Tide ToGo and Coca Cola and every stain remover I could think of to no avail and it made me concerned as to what Aidan's consuming that causes him to leave such powerful and difficult to remove love stains on my furniture and I thought so much it hurt so I took two ibuprofen's and pulled down the shades and drank some water and waited till the headache passed and I decided that I would have to make Aidan promise to never make whoopee on my couch or chairs again, but since I didn't think he'd remember I decided it would be best to put those plastic covers over all my furniture to prevent future ruined furniture and they worked so well keeping liquids and other things off them that I slip off of the slip on covers anytime I'd have a sat and end up on the floor that I adopted a Japanese bent and I sawed the legs to my coffee table halfway down and now everyone sits on my floor when they come in all because that one time Aidan came.
"I still don't get why you had to remove the couch," sez Aidan while he struggles to pull himself up from the ground falling twice but not quite failing because third times the charm as he has risen to his feet and I look up from my tea pouring station as I sit cross-legged in my Kimono and ponder what ever happened to Kimona Wanalaya or Leia Meow, depending on if you prefer an E or a W to precede CW, not
The CW or the WB and their dancing frog.
"Damnit Aidan, I just explained it to everyone else, why couldn't you have been listening to my long winded ramblings?"
***
"Christian King. You and me again this week, and I don't get the element of surprise, or you having a previous match. That's fine. I look forward to that. I want you at your best. You see, I don't need to bring 99cent erasers or silly straws or beer to distract you and beat you - I will bring those things because I like them and they make me smile and they make the fans smile.
"Now, Christian, I had a vision today. You see, I went for a walk, a nice leisurely stroll, and I ended up downtown, walking along the river-walk. I found a nice bench, with a bit of shade so I took a sat and I looked around. It was a beautiful day today here - Mr. Sun was shining, birds were chirping, there was a light breeze flowing along the river, and as I sat, I reflected and thought about my life and space and the fourth dimension of time and our infinite relations and connections. And I thought about love and I smiled as I felt natures warm embrace. I opened my eyes and there was Mr. Sun, beaming down through the trees warming my face. Now Christian, I had forgotten my sunglasses so I had to cover my eyes to see, and when I did, I saw kids playing on the other side of the river, I saw people walking their dogs, lovers holding hands happy to just be outside, and pretty young things in mini skirts that have been hidden from the harsh cold winter showing off legs and breastses. Then I looked out into the river and I saw some gulls, I think it was a herring gull or larus smithsonianus if you prefer Latin, and they were dive-bombing pheeeew-SPLASH - pheeeew-SPLASH. I watched one, a real persistent bastard, I watched as he dove down and came back up time and time again until he finally come back up out of the water triumphant, holding a fish in his gullet, beating his wings feverishly to take flight with his newly filled belly, and he turned - he turned ever so slightly toward me and he winked at me and smiled as he flew off. I winked and smiled right back at him because I knew right then and right there what that larus smithsonianus was trying to tell me - the Cradle Piledriver was a nice touch for our first match, but this time I need to dive-bomb. I need to take flight. Christian King, this week at Injection, you're going to be laying on the mat, flopping around like an unsuspecting fish, doing fish things, and I, Paroxysm or Paroxysmus if you prefer Latin, will be climbing those turnbuckles, preparing to take flight, so that I too can dive-bomb, I will dive-bomb down on you, my prey, and hit you with the Marie Antoinette for the 1-2-3."
]
