MAIN EVENT - Universe Championship

[AJ]

:~--MAIN EVENT—~:
____________________

IWS Universe Championship Match – Single Match
(C) Aiden Cash vs. Ryan Sharpe



Deadline = August 7th, 2014 @ 11pm EST

[Paroxysm]

Acts 1 & 2

Act 3: Set me free



"Peazy, you were sooo right," I ignored Aidan as I continued putting dishes away. Which was easy because I was distracted trying to figure out why I've never given Aidan his own domicile and that he's always here. Does he have a place where he sleeps? Does he live in his car? On the streets? On the Road? This led to me wondering if I too often break kayfabe, break the third wall, break the fourth dimension, that time I when I stepped on a crack and almost broke my mommas back, & that time I broke the walls down like Y2J... then I realized that Aidan was still waiting in eager anticipation for my attention acknowledging his statement & that he was watching me think aboot all this & so I turned to face him and saw that he was wearing his latest creative creation, a tee with a crab wearing a gold chain and holding a stack of bills making it rain with the captivating caption below "ca$h crab". He's also wearing a "ca$h crab" bandana, headband, bandwidth, wristband, American bandstand - I was in a band once called "Punch from a Fish Bowl" so named after that time that Jeff & Josh & Marc & I actually walked around a college party with a fishbowl full of punch getting drunk and loosey goosey & then we left drunk and happy and I threw an M80 that exploded 2 feet outta my hand and right next to Jeff's ears and he thought he was now deaf and got scared and pulled his earrings out and they fell into the gravel below. I thought for shore they were lost and felt bad, but he didn't skip a beat and reached right down in the dirt and rocks and picked up the little fake diamond earrings put them back in his ears before I could figure out what happened. Then we spent the rest of the night getting more drunk & smashing glass bottles outside my dorm room on the dry campus and I was excited and happy because the Marlins had just won the world series and my hall director had gone back to Jamaica where he was apart of the bobsled team & this was all before we all got busted for underage consumption and possession of booze and they took and drank all of it while I got put on double secret probation and had to do counselling and instead went to Mexico and now I'm here. I start to make a comment on the "ca$h crab" and decide it's better not to and instead I said what worked well, Aidz?



"Ahh yass that gimmick where you do me and I do you, RP wise that is. Balakay didn't destroy me!"



"And AJ Riot DID destroy me..."



"Yeah but..."



"And I missed out on a shot to get that eXtinction title back that I held so many years ago..."



"...but..."



"And instead I'm in the midst of my longest losing streak since..."



"Since Al..."



"HEY! We call her Madison here. And fuck you for mentioning her."



"Easy Peazy... I was really just tryin to say thanks. We don't have to do it again..."



"I know."



"But we are, aren't we?" He was getting excited thinking about it. I nodded an affirmation that is different than what I do everyday in front of the mirror when I stand there naked & proud with my chest and head held high and say: "I'm good enough, smart enough, and all my bitches love me. Amen." and some days I believe it.



"So... why... why ya doin it again?"



"Fuck Aidan, I was already thinking I break kayfabe too much as it is - you're not helping. Lets just say, it still makes more sense to tell your story in this voice and mine in that voice. I don't wanna narrate my shit in first person. Are we good? Good. Just focus on retaining THAT," I said pointing and poking at the Universe Championship belt draped over his shoulder that I now see also has a new "ca$h crab" sticker on the strap and the name on the belt has finally been fixed to say Aidan Cash even if his opponent still calls him Aiden but I guess that's fair since Aidan calls him Sharpé so I'll just drop it and call it ephen.



"Ooh, ooh Paro! Look at this!" he pointed out all the "ca$h crab" gear that he had made that I had acknowledged to you but not him and he got excited describing it all and I feigned a smile and said yah yah Aidan that's great.



~~~



Interlude 1: Mo bands



"Ouch!" she said, less from the physical pain & more from the shock of having a random stranger throw a bag of rubber bands at her. She glared at Aidan. He was puzzled by this turn of events. Why doesn't she dance? he pondered. Juicy J owes me an explanation, he thought.



~~~



Act 4: Free falling



Megan walked into my apartment wearing a carefully cut up XL "ca$h crab" tee shirt that was tied in the back and came in right where it should and exposed skin in all the right places. Her long wild jet black hair went this way and that and I wanted so badly to run my hands thru it and pull a handful of it in the back but knew I couldn't, or shouldn't, for Aidan's sake, not that he couldn't find five other girls or already had five others on the side. So instead, I buried those feelings deep and wouldn't acknowledge them till that night they finally surfaced when we ran into each other at a bar without Aidan there and we embraced and knew each other - biblically speaking - and Aidan was surprisingly okay with it, but that would be some years down the road. I watched as she excitedly walked in and, as I said, attempted to cover up the excitement that was beginning in my pants. I'm talking about my peepee, if you weren't sure.



I asked if she'd like any thing to drink or eat or smoke and I gave her some coffee and bourbon and the three of us - oh yes, Aidan was there as well - sat down and drank and were merry and Megan told us about how well the plan had worked and that there was almost no incidents and she had all the shirts in the van downstairs. The only trouble came in the beginning when the guard was a little hesitant so she turned away from him and bent down without bending her knees to allow the guard to look all the way up those sexy tanned legs of hers and see soo close to where her reproductive organs open up and in that moment I wanted desperately to be that security guard but I had to cover all that up literally and figuratively. While still bent in front of the guard, she reached into her bag and got the court document that Aidan and her faked that said she was entitled to the contents of that unit and handed it to the guard leaning over and allowing the neckline of her shirt to sag so that he could clearly see her cleavage and drink every little bit of it in. And after that she had zero trouble and the guard did get the forklift out and he did help her off load the goods into her van and she gave him a great big hug even kicking her leg up for added affect, [I'm pretty sure that's effect too] no, the leg affected the guards penile tissue by causing it to become erect [ I don't think it works that way] what do you know?, when she was done leaving her perfume to linger all over his clothes and I'm pretty sure he's still in a bit of tizzy over what had just happened. He would be fired three weeks later after the company found out that Aidan's stuff was gone when it shouldn't have been. Megan, who never removed her giant buglike sunglasses when at the storage unit would never be caught or charged. Aidan had to deal with some bullshit from the local PD and then a bit from the staties but they didn't have shit on him and he knew it and they knew it and they let it go partially out of spite because the lead detective really didn't like the way the owner of the storage units talked to him. A win is a win is a win.



I watched as Aidan jumped up out of his seat as she told the story and sat back down and jumped up again and paced a bit and sat back down and I worried a bit that he was expending too much energy and that he won't be ready for Ryan Sharpe at Midsummers Night Scream. On the other hand this could be good and a sign that he's relaxed and ready and energized and as I was wondering about all that he actually started to talk about his upcoming match.



"Now now I think we all know that Sharpé is still a little upset about the means in which I obtained this," he said stroking the title belt over his shoulder. "I was just doing as Malcolm X told me - by any means necessary."



"And your shirt designs are by any memes necessary..." I muttered underneath my breath as he studied the lines on my face.



"Aye, watcha say there Petey?" Johnny Malloy aka "the Hot Shot" aka "Sidewinder" aka Little Johnny Sixx aka Mickey McElroy stumbled in through the door in a drunken haze. I wondered who was gonna walk in next?



[ I just hope it's not Madison]


Ahh fuck you. "And fuck you too, Hot Shot. Didn't you have enuf last time you called me that?" I said starting to get up then remembering about the tightness in my pants and the bit of Megan's side boob I could see and so I sat back down and adjusted and looked over at Megz and she blushed a bit and I know that I was beat red or is it beet red? All I knew was that Megan had me sooo excited that once everyone left, little Paro was about to be beat red unless I could find an easy friend for the night.



"Aye, I did have enough, eh. I juss wanted to know what ya said to yourself."



"I didn't say shit. Hell, you weren't even in here ya old washed up drunk."



"Maybe yar right, maybe yar right," he stumbled into the kitchen pulled out a flask from his pocket and pulled out some whiskey from my cabinet and refilled his flask with my booze put the flask away and took a big swig right from the bottle. I thought more and more about Johnny and thought that I should turn him into a pirate with a peg leg and an eye patch and parrot with the way I have him talk. But I guess there ain't much different between a drunken mick and a pirate. And I thought about it and decided that it didn't make much sense so instead I gave him a parrot which stays at his house, which if I remember correctly from those RP's I wrote last year, he lives in Minnesnowta so I was really confused why he was here with us in Columbus and even more mind boggling is that I'm on an aeroplane from SeaTac to SL,UT right now so how can I be back in Columbus with all them?



That's when the plane started to sputter and stall and we dropped 500 feet instantly and the fasten seat belt light and bell kept flashing and dinging and the flight attendant shrilled out for us to remain calm but no one could and I started to panic so I looked out my window but couldn't see anything wrong and even if I did how the fuck would I be able to fix it and I panicked more and wondered why does panic end in c and panicked has a k in there? I was concerned that this is how my life was going to end - helpless and wondering about the peculiarities of the English language.



Another sudden dip reminded me of the immediacy of the situation and my life flashed before my eyes and I saw Maddy and Katrina and unborn children of mine and I saw my mask and how good it felt that first time I landed a moonsault and a missile drop kick and the Marie Antoinette and how good scotch tastes and how Maddy tastes and oh fuck the plane just started nose diving. The captain came across the loud speaker and told us we're having some difficulties but just hang tight. Well no shit we're having some difficulties we're in free fall with two outta four engines working and all the children on the plane screamed at the same time in the same pitch and the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling and I took a big rip as if this was my last time to get high and I decided to take another and felt much better and tried to help the girl next to me adjust her mask and we finally got it just right and she took a little hit and another little hit and finally calmed down a bit. Speaking of down that's right where the plane was heading. I started to get concerned for Aidan and Paroxysm and even a little for the Hot Shot and Sharpe and Riot and Josie and what would become of this and that.



Johnny took a seat on the barstool and struggled to keep his head up and we all stopped looking at him and went back to focusing on Aidan our captivating champion.



"What I was tryin to say is that things went well with Balakay - and I'm sorry they didn't go so well for you Peazy - and I somehow managed to get that ca$h crab locked in not once but twice and held in and pulled it and yanked it till he was completely spent."



"Mmm, I wanna hold it and pull it and yank it until you're completely spent," said Johnny Malloy. No, that's not right - Megan said that.



Oh fuck another dip - we're free falling and engulfed in clouds not the nice white poofy ones but the dark grey gnarly ones that accompany bad storms and good nights to stay inside. Sitting right over the wing I can hear the engine turn over and not start and I contemplate religion and god and afterlife and I hope to God it isn't real because I ain't real proud of the life I've lived. The captain manages to get the plane to level up a bit and the screaming quiets a bit I'm not sure whether the maneuvering of the plane is the cause of that or the monumental amounts of pure oxygen that everyone sucked up. The pleasure is short lived as the plane banks hard to the right and dips down. The engine on this side is still sputtering and not turning over.



"Ahh yass ahh yass you will get to play with it later, my little butterfly," Aidan said excitedly stroking the little stubble on his chinny chin chin as he paceed back and forth. "Last Injection was the biggest test of my career. Dorian Blake," wait what? he said 'Blake' correctly for once, "Next up is an even bigger test. Ryan Sharpé for the title at Midsummers Night Scream. He's gonna be thirsty for this," he said slapping the title, "and thirsty for redemption from how Rebirth ended," he accented this by pounding his fist into his open palm, "ahh yass he is. But I can't let redemption happen. This is mine! Just look at how much time I spent putting this ca$h crab sticker on here so carefully," I could tell that he really meant that & he had likely spent an hour or so adjusting it just right.



The clouds break a bit, enough for me to see the Wasatch mountains. I guess if I'm gonna die anywhere it might as well be here, I love these mountains almost as much as I love Maddy. I start to think about Maddy and her soft skin and emerald green eyes and that I will never get to see them again or feel her next to me and I think about the times we had and the future we talked about but never came close to actualizing. The combination of my life ending and the high from the oxygen allowed me to see her clearly and she spoke to me and told me that we would be together when the time was right whether that was this life or next and even though I didn't believe in the afterlife the thought still comforted me and I was no longer scared of death.



"And because I wanna keep this, we gotta think of what I can do to win. I think we all know I'm a bit overmatched here," we try to convince him otherwise but aren't too convincing because we don't really believe it ourselves - when Sharpe is on there are few who can stop him on their own. Riot, Pleasure, Blake... wait, if Blake can stop him maybe Aidan can too.



"Well, watcha got planned, eh?" Malloy chimed in.



"Nothing yet, nothing yet."



"Aye aye, I think I gots an idea," Malloy said rubbing his hands together in a maniacal manner and he relayed his ridiculous plan for retention of the Universe title, which I'd relay here but then Sharpe would know so I keep it to myself.



"BRACE FOR HARD LANDING IN 5 MINUTES!" the captain shouts across the PA system and I don't really know what that exactly means so I get out of my seat and steal a whisky bottle from the flight attendant passing a young couple that has decided to try to fuck to their death. I get a little jealous. I turn the bottle up and chug for a few seconds before the jerkiness of the plane sends me to the ground and sends the bottle flying. I crawl back to my seat to suck more O2 and brace for impact.



"Ahhh Johnny that plan just might work it just might."



"30 SECONDS TO IMPACT!" the captain says as he fights with the plane to keep it somewhat upright. The woman next to me has fainted and I contemplate taking advantage of this situation to cop a feel and decide, well fuck it I might as well and so I run my hands over her breasts and feel a little bit of pleasure and drunk and high as we crash into the great Salt Lake nose first. The impact causes everyone to raise as far as their seatbelts will allow them and is so powerful and violent that a few of the larger passengers actually rip the belts out of position and smack their heads on the overhead bins. I wasn't wearing a seat belt and got tossed over the seat in front of me and into the lap of a grandmother who was already dead from the impact or possibly just unconscious but I'm pretty sure she's dead. The impact knocks me out momentarily - fortunately not as long as that time I flipped over the handlebars of my bicycle crossing those train tracks. I regain consciousness and look around to see most everyone else is dead or has passed out. I run my hand thru my hair and feel a stinging bump and see my hand coated in thick warm blood. I wipe it on the floor and start to crawl over the people in this aisle.



Our plane bobs a bit in the water and I hear something start to creak and squeak and buckle under pressure pressing down on me pressing down on you and I hear a loud pop like a flashbang grenade and see that the forward door has been forced open by the pressure of the water that the plane is submerged. The plane starts to flood and I scramble to grab a seat cushion floatation device from one of the dead or comatose passengers. My vision starts to blur as I struggle to procure a seat cushion and I remember about the wound on my head. A piece of broken glass from the bottle of whisky I'd been drinking earlier floats by so I grab it and use it to cut the sleeve off the blouse of the dead grandmother and tie a tourniquet around my head to limit the bleeding. Clutching a seat cushion I start for the busted door to make my escape along with the few other passengers who aren't unconscious.



"Alright ya mick, that's enough booze for you," I say chastising Malloy as he starts for my cabinet again.



"Ahh what tha fuck do you know?"



"I know that you're drunk as a skunk already and don't need anymore."



"Maybe yar right, maybe yar right," he said as he closes the cabinet empty handed and stumbles back to the stool he was seated on. I watch as he bobs and weaves drunkenly and wonder if this is what's to become of me and Aidan and all the other wrestlers when we get too old to keep competing. The track record doesn't look too good for a normal life after the ring.



Life after wrestling? Fuck I'm too concerned worrying about life after today. I've managed to escape the plane with a floatation device and am hugging it closely. The waves from the impact still ripple across the lake and push me out toward the center. No more oxygen no more whisky but at least I'm not dead I think as the loss of blood and exhaustion finally overtakes the power of my adrenal glands and I pass out hugging a seat cushion.